this sucks

i've very recently been convicted of the unpleasant connotations of the word "suck." but sometimes, it's just the only word to use.

i know you've heard it before, but it's still as true as ever. living in the same house with my ex-boyfriend's new fiancee is horrible. i can't really talk to carmen about this, since she's trying to play the role of fair landlady and not take sides. josh and adam have been out of town, and i hate feeling like i'm complaining around them. that leaves my poor little sister. she calls me up all the time with cute high school stories about teachers and basketball games, and she probably hangs up feeling depressed because i'm such an eeyore.

you may be thinking, she really needs to get over this. i don't know how easy that is when you don't see reminders of the situation several times a day, but i do. and it is so hard. i don't like saying "impossible", after all i do think about zombies every day, but this is rough.

according to scientists who are very smart and know what they are talking about, january 24th is the most depressing day of the year. i think it has something to do with failed new year's resolutions and weather. normally i would say that the scientific society is just being silly, but it just so happens that yesterday was also mike's birthday. carmen said she hoped i was going to forget, but yeah right.

last year i made him a little house out of his favorite candy bars. that took a long time. the year before that i bought him a shirt and some other stuff and "wrapped" it in a kix box. he thought it was cereal for a few days before he opened it. and the year before that i drew him a picture of his name. i'm good at making fancy bubble-letters.

my timing yesterday was really bad. i walked into class a few minutes later than usual, and had to take the only seat left... right next to mike. somehow, i was very distracted and took the best notes i've ever written from a ghosh lecture. strange.

kc and i hardly ever see each other, but yesterday i was home almost all the times she was home. somehow, she had the opposite effect, because i could not concentrate on my brit lit reading with her making some sort of lavish dessert for mike in the next room.

later in the evening as it was getting dark, i was walking home and was just in time to see mike's truck pull away from our road. he'd picked kc up and they were going somewhere. if i had stayed at the library for one more minute, i wouldn't have seen that. on the other hand, if i had left a minute earlier, they would have had to pass me on the road and would have seen me, which is something they do not like to do when they're together. but last night it worked out just right for me to be sad and for them to be fine.

and apparently, things in my house are about to become passive-aggressive.

i mentioned last time that it was kc's turn to do the dishes and that she'd ignored them for a week. when i was leaving for a meeting last night, she was at the sink, washing. i thought, "finally!" and headed out. when i came back, half an hour later, there was a huge mess in the kitchen. she'd done the dishes, switched the marker on the refrigerator to say that it was my turn, and then went to town.

the lavish birthday dessert seems to have needed several saucepans and mixing bowls on top of normal baking stuff like measuring cups and silverware. i didn't know we had so many measuring cups. they had not been rinsed, and whatever was in them was shockingly similar to elmer's glue. this paste-like substance was also splattered on the stove and countertop, where it was drying. she had also cleaned out the refrigerator, leaving quite a few sets of her moldy tupperware for me to wash.

in half an hour!

technically we're all supposed to wash our own cooking/baking dishes. but i cleaned it up late last night, because it was, after all, my turn, and i didn't feel like waiting another week to have a clean kitchen. but bad timing struck again! just as i started the fresh stack of dishes, mike dropped kc off in front of the house. so they were both witness to me cleaning up her mess from making a birthday desert for the guy who used to be my boyfriend.

rotten ending to a rotten day.