back to school...

well, it's official folks... i am pathetically addicted to sudoku. nothing can save me. i carry around a book with me. i play while i'm watching movies. last night i had a dream that i was playing and i had a box with too many threes and i had to start all over.

that's sad.

i'm going back to socorrow tomorrow. jesse wants the leader's team to be in town early so we can go over plans for this semester and budgets and the like. it's funny that he's calling it a leader's "retreat", when in reality we're just going back a few days before everyone else. but i don't mind going back early for iv. my mom is scandalized by the whole thing and keeps offering excuses for me to use to get out of it. "tell them you have physical therapy!" i told her that a massage doesn't count, and that i want to go.

but i'm not looking forward to living in the same house with kc again. i'm already dreading going back to that situation. this semester will be worse because i've got earlier classes. last semester i avoided her by staying hidden in my room every morning until eight when she left for work. that's not going to happen anymore. we're going to be trying to use the bathroom and kitchen and stuff at the same time. on top of that she'll be planning her wedding. how will i pretend to ignore that?

and speaking of classes... i have one with mike. so i'll get a good healthy daily dose of both the people that make socorro miserable for me. josh and his girlfriend kat are in that class too, which increases the chances that he'll try to talk to me and act like everything's cool between us. he works with kat on most of his class projects, and josh told me that he still thinks mike is cool. am i a bad friend for thinking that josh should be mad at mike? i dunno.

before finals last month i finally talked to mike. i told him that i was miserable and it was his fault. i told him that kc was in a bad situation and it was his fault. i told him that carmen and steve were stressed out and it was his fault. and, on my little brother's request, i told him that andy didn't like him anymore and neither did d (my neighbor). i think that hurt. andy thought the world of mike. so did i.

and i asked him about all the stuff that happened, like how he thought it would be okay to date kc, about the lies he told me, about sneaking around and letting me find out from josh, about how he was a coward and avoided me. he said he didn't have an answer for any of it. he kept telling me how much he loves GOD. okay.

i told him the stuff i posted earlier, about how he's not acting like himself and i'm worried about him being engaged. he was very quiet when i said that. and he was looking right at me, and he looked scared. he really did look like a deer in the headlights. but he didn't say anything about it.

at the end he told me that he keeps finding out new ways that he messed up. he was upset, but i didn't feel sorry for him. he did mess up. and he told me that he hopes we can be friends again. riiiiiiiiiiight...

does he really think that when he and kc are married and have a house that i'm going to come over for dinner and compliment the curtains? i can't wait until i never have to see either of them again. if that means that they move away together and are blissfully happy, so be it. at least i won't have to think about it all the time.

i think i hate this semester already.