Wednesday, October 05, 2005

very long angry post

we had a test in construction management today. i did alright, i probably should have studied more, but it will be okay. yesterday i studied with josh, and when we weren't getting anywhere, i gave him a ride home. on the way, he asked me, "so i heard mike is going out with that other girl now?" i knew who he meant.

so i heard this from josh, who heard from kat, who has several classes with mike, and since it was somewhat shady third-hand information, i didn't fully believe him right away. when i got home, i called carmen. she told me they've been dating for weeks now, and that kc made her promise not to tell me. she said that mike and kc went to the pastor of their church and talked it over with him, and they prayed about it and talked it over with joel (kc's ex-boyfriend) and talked about it to a whole group of people and everyone seemed okay with it. so it sounds like they handled everything right.

except me! you know, i don't swear, because it's not a habit that i want my eleven-year-old brother to pick up and i'm all about being a good role model. but it really seems appropriate in this situation. so if you'd like to mentally add four-letter-words where you feel the need, be my guest.

i feel totally betrayed by both of them. they've been dating for weeks and lying to me about it. i can't believe they would do this. i can't believe they would let me find out from josh! what was kc thinking? how was this going to be okay? what was pastor randall thinking? he knows me too! why did joel get to be part of this whole decision making process and i didn't? you know, even if they had been upfront about this it would have been terrible but this... unbelievable. redundant, i know, but that's all i can use to describe this.

a few weeks ago i had a Big Talk with mike, just to get some of my questions answered. he said he broke up with me because GOD doesn't want him to have a girlfriend right now. then he said that he still cares about me and hopes we can be friends. when i'm thinking about that now, i wonder if he was already dating kc at that point. the time frame seems about right... he must have at least been thinking about it. he doesn't care about me. if he did, he wouldn't have let this happen. and the whole girlfriend and religion thing... he's a liar. he's a liar.

so after i called carmen i was very upset. i got out of the house and started walking. i went all over town in a zig-zag, because i was avoiding places where i knew people. apparently i didn't do this very well, because i already ran into someone today who said i walked right by his house. he didn't say, "i saw you wandering around town crying like a little two-year-old", but i'm sure i've made a fool of myself. i ended up on the road to magdelena and i sat there for about three hours. i called my dad and cryed. i really wanted to break my phone, but i restrained myself. just when the sun was going down, nicki's mom was driving by and she saw me sitting there and pulled over. and wouldn't you know it, she already knew why i was upset, because i really was the last person to find out about this. anyway, she gave me a ride home.

if there were a list of slimey, horrible, low things you could do, breaking up with your girlfriend of thirteen months by giving her the GOD card and then dating her roommate has got to be like top five. secretly dating your roommate's ex-boyfriend behind her back is up there too. they are bad, bad people.


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