midsemester today

i hate school, i hate school, i hate school....

never, in all my time at tech, have i been this miserable. even at the very beggining, when i had no friends at all and couldn't do my chemistry homework and almost failed calc one, even then was not as bad as now. not by a long shot.

i have no confidence in the meche classes i'm taking this semester. if i don't have jon or adam looking over my shoulder, i'm sure i'm doing it wrong. i don't understand the material. it's not just that it's hard, most of the classes here are hard, but i don't understand it and i'm really not interested in it. conrols, mechatronics? i don't care. i just feel dumb all the time.

then there's the whole drama. i've had a chance to talk to both kc and mike. kc took it like a man. mike walked away. i'm so mad at both of them, and i'm so hurt. they say god told them to do it. what am i supposed to say to that? "well, god was wrong!" it sucks that i can't get away from this. i can't just have a big fight and be done with it. they are still dating each other at the end of the day. i don't want to come back to my own house. today josh and jon and i were studying in the ce lab, and kat called to tell josh that she and mike and shuter were coming. josh warned me, and i left because i didn't want to see mike. but after i left i didn't know what to do... i didn't want to go home either.

i want so badly just to drive home to las cruces and forget about tech. i could get a job (even if it's back at the nursery), and hang out with my family and the few friends i've kept in touch with and play hockey. my little cousin is so much better than school. my uncle's halloween plans are so much more interesting than controls. hockey is way better than iv. way better.

and now i have a senoir design meeting in five minutes. i don't want to see those boys.