Thursday, October 06, 2005

hey, hey, rainy day

today i slept through my alarm and woke up eight minutes before class. i got dressed and ran out the door and realized on my way to class that winter had suddenly fallen overnight and i should have worn a sweatshirt. it was freezing. later that freezing turned into raining and freezing. it was really cold, but i still jumped in puddles on my way home for lunch, because i'm mad and i could.

kc has not so much as looked at me since this bomb got dropped. she's a coward. i saw mike driving his truck, and he just stared at me. he's a coward too. the more i think about it, the more i think mike told kat because he knew it would get back to me eventually and he didn't want to tell me himself. he is so careful with what he says, he thinks about everything that comes out of his mouth. that's one of the things i really liked about him. this was no accident. now both of them are james deaning it, playing it cool, like they think i'll get better or forget or something. riiiiiiiiight... what a lousy plan.

i'm feeling very confrontational about this. i know exactly what i want to say to both of them. in fact, i can't stop rehearsing it in my head. the problem is, both of them are avoiding me like pros. in all honesty i've only seen kc twice since tuesday afternoon, and both times were for about four seconds. i have things i need to say to her, that i need to say face to face. i have even more things i need to say to mike, face-to-face. i don't know how to go about this.

i don't want to be bitter. but right now it sure seems like boys are liars and girls are backstabbers and all people just suck in general. the worst of it is, i thought mike was the best boy in the world for about three years. i loved him so much. if i could fall for him, and he can do something like this.... boy, and i thought i had good taste. i know this is short-sighted, but right now it really feels like i won't ever trust someone like that again. feels like i don't want to.

i know, i know, i know. things will get better. i know they will. i know there are good people too, actually my friends are doing a great job of taking care of me. i know that things happen for a purpose and that i will learn things from this and that GOD has a plan. but right now i don't even want to think about the other fish in the proverbial sea.

fish lie. fish suck. i hate fish.

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