Movie Reveiws!!! (#1)

Devine Intervention
This is what is known as “one of those weird foreign films that doesn’t make any sense.” I paid five bucks to see it at one of those artsy places that show weird foreign films that don’t make any sense. I really have no way to logically tie the scenes together here. There was an obvious story line having to do with a Palestinian guy and his dying father and his love interest, a girl that lived outside Jerusalem so the only time they could be together is when they were sitting in a car in the parking lot of the city border inspection station. All they did in the car was hold hands and stare at each other (really- the couple didn’t talk the entire picture), but the hold-hands scenes were seriously dirtier than some make-out scenes in other movies. I’m not sure how exactly that works, but it was true, Alicia backed me up on that one. Anyway, the girl leaves him after he sneaks her into Jerusalem and the father dies. Other than that it’s just weird. Scattered throughout the movie are scenes of a man opening his mail at breakfast, neighbors throwing garbage bags into each other’s gardens, the beating death of a snake, a woman arranging and burning trash in her yard, and an attempt on Santa Claus’ life. Actually, I think the murder was successful. Then the girl turns into some kind of flying spiritual ninja and takes out a bunch of guys with machine guns. That was cool, as was a middle-eastern cover of a classic CCR song, but neither were worth the many many long stare-at-nothing scenes. This movie needed to spend a lot longer in the cutting room, but even then it wouldn’t have made sense. Maybe I’m too American to understand the symbolism. Maybe there wasn’t any.

Jonny English
I had my hopes up for this one. I really like Rowan Atkinson, I was a big fan of Mr. Bean and Rat Race, and it was pretty funny. It was just a little too silly. I did like his loyal sidekick, Bough (played by Ben Miller II). John Malkovich did a great job playing Pascal Sauvage, the villain. I didn’t mind seeing it, but I won’t spend money to see it again. In all honesty, the best part of the movie for me was the preview for a new live-action Peter Pan movie that’s coming out this Christmas. WOW is that going to be good. I can’t wait!

House of a 1000 Corpses
Call me an idiot, but the title didn’t tip me off. I should really feature this movie on my list of things that automatically make you un-cool. If you saw this one more than once or liked it… well maybe I can’t exactly speak from experience. I walked out of this one in the first thirty minutes, but it felt like a full two hours. What a disgusting film.