Wednesday, February 08, 2006

lumberjack man

i think i would really enjoy my brit lit class if it weren't for all the weirdos enrolled with me.

today i was randomly assigned to a discussion group including stach, pablo (my co-worker from this summer who is suddenly taking the course), and a rather unfortunate boy whom i will call lumberjack man due to the unflattering things i plan to say about him later.

stach was being his regular know-it-all self, talking too loud, cracking bad jokes, and pulling things out of the air and passing them off as facts. my favorite was the comment that there were no STDs in olde england. what an idiot. but i had to set him straight when he proved that he really hadn't read the material for that day.

"no stach," i said, "that bull was the re-incarnation of a bitter pig-keeper." (which, though less believable than stach's theory, was actually the right answer.)

"oh, i must have missed that." he replied lamely.

then pablo chimed in, "well, it was a pretty big part of the story..." and caught my eye with a look that clearly said, is this guy serious?

enter lumberjack man. very impressive beard. he would have the look down if he didn't wear flip flops all the time. carmelita can't stand this kid, mostly because he gave her a good deal of extra work to do while she was an RA. despite being fiercely loyal to my friends, i didn't really care about him one way or the other. but a flicker of "oh, he's not so bad" entered my heart when lumberjack man, in turn, put stach in his place.

he's no dummy, got to give him that.

mott ordered that we all form a big circle for group discussion. is it me, or do humanities classes double as group psycho-therapy?

i moved quickly so i wouldn't have to sit next to stach, and ended up sitting between pablo and lumberjack man. that's when i noticed that he's disgusting. i mean, really. very very dirty. i was totally grossed out. so much that when he began to vigorously scratch his head, i couldn't help but lean away from him. and then he proceeded to... how shall i put this delicately.... well, if bertie botts needed a man to test his bogey-flavored beans, lumberjack man would be the person to speak to. yes, i'm sure.

so i had lumberjack man on my right, stach still saying ridiculous things somewhere to my left, and some goofball across the circle who's favorite answer was "coco butter." which the teacher bought, oddly enough.

after class mott came up to me and said, "i noticed that you had a skeptical look on your face for most of the discussion. you should speak up more!"

if he only knew...

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