dear mr. starsky...

have you ever played that game, imagine if? people take turns being the subject of a silly pretend question. for example:

imagine if scuba steve were a local news celebrity! for what would he be famous?
1. incredible athletic ability
2. a political scandal
3. a brilliant invention
4. the latest best-seller
5. running for office
6. setting the record for a police chase

(in scuba's case, the answer would be a unanimous number three. what a nerd!) after the card is read, everybody votes, and whoever ends up in the majority gets to advance a square. it's interesting because it's not what you think about yourself that matters, it's what everybody else thinks about you. it's fun. try it out.

but one of the questions in this game got me to thinking.

imagine if *your name here* were a beatle. which beatle would he/she be?
1. john
2. paul
3. george
4. ringo
5. vw
6. dung

this question stumps me. how can you just lump people into those categories? how do you know which beatle you are? and more importantly, how does everyone else know which beatle you are? how does everyone else even know which beatle the beatles are? not everyone is a beatlemaniac! this question borders on irresponsibility to me.

of course i shared these concerns with scuba steve. he suggested, since i am the resident beatlemaniac, that i write a quiz that would assign a member of the fab four to the reader. well.

a while back, kate and i wrote the disney princess and disney villian quizzes, which are both very fun, but this is different. i am not a princessmaniac. and they aren't real people. and, when i wrote the princess quiz, i subconsciously wrote it with a bias towards belle, who i am the most like. this will not do for a beatles quiz.

here's the thing. i don't like john. of course, i couldn't do without his music, but i wouldn't want to be him and i wouldn't really want to be his friend. cheating on your wife is one of those unforgivables in my book, even if you are very famous. so, subconsciously, i would write with a bias against john. i assume a lot about him.

if i wrote with a bias toward one of the four, i think it would be paul. as much as i like, no, love george harrison, i think i'm more like sir mccartney. it's the hopeless romantic thing. but then again, george was very religious, and i'm very religious... and george was a gardener, and i'm sort of a gardener...

see? this is hard!

now ringo, i like. a lot. love. if i saw him, i'd probably pee my pants. but the thing is, i like george and paul so much more that i know very little about ringo in comparison. part of that has to do with his low profile as well. at this point, disliking john, loving paul and george, and not knowing much about ringo, it would be irresponsible for me to write this quiz. unless i did my research. or wrote ringo a letter.

"dear mr. starsky,
i am currently writing the definitive beatles personality quiz, and i would like very much to not misrepresent you therein. if you could please respond to this letter with a brief statement summarizing your values, goals, political and religious beliefs, parenting creed, favorite color, and outlook on life, that would be greatly appreciated. thank you.

p.s. i love you! (sorry, i bet everyone does that. but i had to. you know...)
p.p.s. i really do love you. no joke! i admire you for being easygoing and a good sport. everyone should be a good sport like you, mr. starsky, that would make the world a better place.
p.p.p.s. i have a picture of you glued to my lamp. i'm looking at it right now. and my lamp is in the shape of a star. i call it my ringo star. because i love you!"

and it would go on (READ: digress) from there. i'd try to be professional but it would end up being just another slobbery piece of goofy fan mail. i'm so embarrassed.

okay! i'll just have to start reading that big beatles book that mike bought me last year instead of just looking at the pictures. oh, the lovely pictures! i think one of the questions in the quiz should be, "how handsome are you?" wait, no no no no!

this could take a while. i'll keep you posted, but don't hold your breath.