yeah, i know that the epilogue comes at the end, and that i've only done part one, but this is not that kind of novel, okay? and i know i've probably beaten this "kc and mike" thing to death, but hey, this is my party and i will cry if i freakin want to.
spring break is over. really over. four days ago i was on the beach in beautiful orlando, on a perfect day, worrying about getting sunburned. when we came back to las cruces, we were greeted by high winds and dust. socorro was freezing. this morning it snowed here for about four hours. everyone else was saying, "oh yay, snow!" and i'm thinking, "it's so much nicer to be warm. have you guys ever been to the beach?" and i'm also thinking, "all those trees are going to die. i told them that it wasn't spring yet, and they shouldn't be flowering, and that they were going to die, but they didn't listen and now they're going to have to wait until next year."
so that's one part of spring break that i'm missing.
disneyland is full of cute little couples. i saw several on their honeymoons, some betrayed by their silly "bride and groom" mouse ears like the ones they gave carmelita and steve this summer. they smooch and hold hands and the girls lean up against the boys while they're waiting in line for rides. at one point i may not have approved of these public displays of affection, but they were cute, and i found myself smiling at them, and yes, fondly recalling when i had a boy of my own. sometimes they noticed me looking at them all goofy (no pun intended), and i'm sure they were creeped out.
but those were not the only times i thought of mike and smiled. when you're driving three sleeping boys all through the southern part of the united states in the wee hours of the morning, your thoughts tend to wander, and if you're me, you think about "remember when mike did this? that was so nice of him. he was cute. i miss him."
first thing i see when i come home? mike's stuff on the kitchen table. i used to wear that sweatshirt when i was cold. i know exactly what the front of it says, even though it's folded so you can't read the whole thing. maybe kc was wearing it. because that's what happened, they were sneaky and they lied and they didn't care what it did to me. oh yeah! what was i thinking over spring break? how could i forget?
well, who wants to look at that all night? i was mad that kc left it out there anyway. so i very nicely picked up the stuff and took it to kc's room (her door is always open when she's not home) and put it on her bed. i turned around and check it out! there's a wedding dress in her closet.
you know that part in hook when rufio gets stabbed and peter is trying to fly over there but he gets pushed away from them when he sees what happened and he yells, "nooooooooooo!!!!"? i think that same thing hit me then, but it hit my brain, not my body.
yeah, i knew this was going to happen eventually, but it was the change that shocked me so much. it's like being on the beach and then coming home to snow. it's weird and uncomfortable, and it makes you wonder, "how could i be dumb enough to think that would last forever? how could i be so naive to forget what it was really like?"
and then i go to school and see mike every morning, come home and see kc every night (only once if i'm lucky), and each time it's hitting me more and more that they really don't care that they are making me miserable. mike doesn't even look my direction in class, even though he told me twice in december that he was going to talk to me again. as far as i know, he's still playing that "loves me like a sister" card, and it's such a lie. i would love to call him on that.
of course, carmen's not really around, adam's most definitely not around, tracy and nick are not around, and josh doesn't want to hear about it. so, i pretend to be happy, even (for the most part)on my blog. look at me, i'm happy. queen of facades. i should really work at disneyworld, i think i could smile and wave all day.