Monday, December 05, 2005

the plot thickens

so carmelita told me the happy news this morning. kc and mike are engaged.

i feel like i can talk about this on here because, to the best of my knowledge, no one at my school reads my blog or even knows where it is. not carmen, not adam, not josh, no one. in fact, the only people i know about that read this are a few family members (not including my parents), who for the most part don't know the people i'm talking about.

i'm less upset about this than you'd think. in fact, the day before i found out about their secret romance, i had a dream that they were engaged and asked me to come to their wedding and i told them no way. josh thinks that's cool. he thinks i'm psychic.

the circumstance of all this actually makes me feel a little better. these two have been dating a little under three months, and they are already planning to get married in may. you can't say that this lends them any credibility. in fact, it more or less proves that they aren't thinking things through and are doing whatever feels right. i mean, that's stupid. i kept my mouth (mostly) shut when jd got married after five months of knowing susan, but i could convince myself that once in a great while, those things could work out. now jd's best friend is following suit. that's a pretty big coincedence.

another thing i think about is, of course, the injustice of all this. while we were dating, i was was very aware of the time mike spent with kc, and very aware of that fact that she's taller and prettier and more sophisticated and mature than i am, but not once did i ask or gave him crap about it. nearly every time i hung out with adam, i got a fight and a guilt trip. and the whole time, it was really me who had something to worry about. now that's ironic. and then there's the whole insensitivity thing going on, like couldn't she move out before all this happened, or couldn't he even tell me the truth about any of this, or could they at least tell me anything? like i said, i found out from carmen, and it's been a few weeks already. they're jerks.

lastly, there's concern. not a whole lot, because the evil part of me hopes they make mistakes and learn a big ol' Harsh Lesson from this, but there is some. i mean, mike thought about it for over a year before he even asked me out. we went out for over a year and then broke up pretty much out of the blue. our pre-dating relationship is going to be longer than his and kc's dating relationship and engagement combined. mike is SO careful about the things he does, and he always considers everything over and over.... and over, until it's worn to death. this is beyond unusual for him.

add that to the fact that he let slip he was dating kc and let me find out from josh, he's been refusing to acknowledge my existance, he visited kc overnight at her house before they were going out, he lied to me about liking someone else... these are all things he told me with his own mouth that he would never ever do. these things are so out-of-character, they go against what i knew of him for almost three years. he's not acting like himself, and getting engaged while you're not acting like yourself is a bad, bad plan.

i still need to give mike a verbal butt-kicking for the way he's been treating me, and i need him to grow up and be a man and listen this time, instead of running away. but now, i don't know, should i throw in a little, "stop and think about what you're doing"? i don't know if it's my place. i mean, i know him really well, or at least i should. he told me that he wanted to be my friend and loved me like a sister. i don't buy that crap for a second, but what if i call him on his bluff and say, hey buddy, if you love me like a sister, you'd better listen up. you're acting weird. carmen told me a lot of other people at church are concerned, but i think i know mike much better than they do. should i say something?

and then there's kc. i think she's confused. i feel bad for her. yeah, she was mean and evil and cowardly, but i don't want her to suffer forever for it. most of the time i just wonder what the heck she's thinking. how can she go out with him when she knows how he treated me? that's beyond my comprehension. and now, how can she marry a guy when she knows he's acting weird? and honestly, a very big part of me thinks she still likes joel. heaven help her, you know, because he sucks on about the same level as mike, but my point is, she's confused. getting married when you're confused is not good either.

but i guess until i know what to do i'll be sitting here.


Family-member-that-is-not-your-parent ;-) said...

You are incredible... someone *else* taller, more sophisticated, mature? Whaaattt? Sophisticated women don't hide their relationships, and mature women show integrity in their dealings with friends. Taller, well, I'll have to take your word on that, but no chick has anything on you, girl. Be confident in who you are... you rock.

btw, I vote "no" on the "showing him the error of his ways" talk. He can't hear it from you... you've got to close that book and let him move on to his not-like-himself-gonna-learn-his-own-lessons-eventually life. Lots of marriages like this fail, but then lots of other marriages fail too.

Perhaps this one will succeed and they will both live happily ever after. It doesn't really matter because you will be happily ever after-ing it anyway. Regardless of their love for each other, they will always know how much they have hurt you, and the price you paid for their relationship. That is something they will have to understand and own up to on their own time. They will... long after you've moved on, trust me.

Keep your head up... you are an amazing woman. You are doing good, your friends are lucky to have you, your family even luckier!

husband-of-family-member-who-is-not-your-parent said...

I'll second what "family-member-who-is-not-your-parent" said. You rock, and that boy doesn't know what he's missing.

I also doubt having a talk with him will do much good. He's just going to get defensive and say things that are going to knock around in your brain that much longer. Divest yourself of this guy and move on. (I know, easier said that done, right? But take it from me, the sooner you stop thinking about someone who treats you wrong, the sooner you can find someone who will treat you right.)

nerdy said...

you guys are great... i really appriciate it! i'm so lucky to have such an awesome family. thanks.