THE PAUL SHOW

thought i died, didn't you?

well, i'm still alive, probably due to the papaya pills i was popping all night. i love paul! but let me start from the beginning. i'll try to keep it short, but.... oh, come on. get real. by the way, the pictures are supplied by dex, my new camera, which was a present from adam and carmelita.



adam and i got to the glendale arena at three o'clock (about five hours early) and found it pretty vacant. adam left to get coffee and i hung around making friends with all the security guards, trying to figure out if i could bring in my banners or if i had to sneak them in. i was wearing a shirt that said "it's my birthday" on the front and "i (heart) paul" on the back. most of the security guards looked at my banners a little skeptically, but the tour crew kept coming up to me and saying, "good job! paul loves those banners!"

the tour crew turned out to be a lot more friendly and talkative than the guards, so i chatted with them for a long time too. they were really nice to me, probably because of my t-shirt, and kept giving me "tips" on when paul was going to get there and where i should wait for him to get a snapshot. paul got to the arena at six. i was standing with a group of a dozen or so fans and watched him get out of his lexus. he was wearing a white suit. i was snapping pictures, but i didn't expect to actually get a picture of him. i was more hoping that he would see the flashes and look up and wave, but he was running late, so he went straight inside. i was so excited, i called my dad right away and said, "dad! i just saw sir paul!" here's a picture of the line of black lexuses outside the arena.



by this time adam was back, and he waited in line with me. the people around me in line wished me happy birthday and admired my shirt and banners, and the lady behind me snapped the picture below. it turned out that the banners were allowed, but a guard told me to leave the wooden dowels that i used to support the sides in the car. i just couldn't do that. i tied them to the inside of my leg with the shoelaces that i was carrying in my pocket for that very reason. i felt really bad about tricking those nice security guards, but i did anyway. i got in just fine. adam told me he'd meet me by the lexus display after the show, and then he left and then i was inside, on my own, thinking "come on stomach! don't flip out!" and all my papaya was gone.



i found my seat among several "happy birthday"s and a few high-fives. everyone loved my shirt. my seat was pretty awesome, but there really are no bad seats in the glendale arena. i had a lot of fun talking to the people sitting next to me. they were all really excited and friendly. the show started, and paul came out singing, "magical mystery tour". i went crazy! it was so much fun.

the problem was that the people around me weren't nearly as excited as i was, and i felt bad about standing up and cheering when they were sitting and trying to be mellow. so i scoped the place out. about fifteen rows ahead of me, right on the isle in row G, there was a group of women who were jamming out the entire time. they never sat down. so during "i will", i went and stood next to them in the isle, and they greeted me like a long lost sister. all the people around them wished me happy birthday and ignored the guard giving me the evil eye. standing with them was a lot more fun.

when they figured out i had banners, they were all over me to hold them up. when paul started playing "follow me" i grabbed my banner and held it in front of my chest in the isle, where i could be easily seen by the stage, and sang my heart out. after a minute or two, i realized i was up on the big wall, the "follow me follow me" very visible for everyone to see. yay! after that song, paul thanked the crowd for all the "follow me" signs, but i don't know if he saw mine or not.

from then on, between every song or whenever the lights came up, i would grab my other banner, the one that said, "it's my birthday! blow a kiss?" and hold it up in hopes that paul would see it. the people around me were wonderful, they were so patient with my huge banner and were so encouraging. every time another song started and i ran back to my spot, they would say, "keep trying!" a few of them even tried to help me out, yelling, "paul, look over here!" i kept trying and trying, but no good.

finally, after one song, i glanced at rusty (one of the guitar players) and found him looking right at me. when i looked up, he blew me a kiss! yay! i jumped up and down and waited for him to point my sign out to paul, but he didn't. so i kept trying.

as the show progressed my chances of getting my banner seen were getting slimmer. there was less time and less talking between songs, as the songs were getting more and more popular and dramatic. i still didn't want to hold it up during the songs because i didn't want to block out the show for anyone, and i knew i probably wasn't going to get seen with out the lights up. i started to loose heart.

then, during "hey jude", paul got up from the piano and started "directing" the audience through the na-na-nas. you know... first the guys sing it, then the girls, then the balcony, and so on. the lights came up on the audience and paul was looking around at everyone and i figured, screw it, and up went my exceptionally large banner. and PAUL SAW IT!

and he blew me a huge flamboyant kiss. i freaked out. all the ladies around me freaked out. all the people around the ladies called, "did you see that? he blew you a kiss!" we screamed, beatlemania-style. next thing i know, i was back on the big wall. this time i turned around so the back of my shirt was showing. i checked over my shoulder, and "i (heart) paul" was visible above the band. yay! yay! yay!

when "hey jude" was over, he looked right at me and blew ANOTHER KISS! same reaction. and then and the end of the set, before the first encore when the band was leaving the stage, paul looked at me again and blew ANOTHER KISS! i was going crazy. brian, his other guitar guy, saw him and blew me a kiss also. it was so much fun! all the ladies gave me hugs and tons of people around me were leaving their seats to congratulate me and wish me happy birthday. oh my gosh, it was so perfect.

after that, you know, i could die happy. i didn't need anything else. the two encores were awesome, with song like "get back", "let it be", "sgt. pepper" and "yesterday", but i already got what i wanted. at the very end, i watched people throw things up on the stage for paul to sign. i had my liner notes and a sharpie in my back packet, just in case, but i was just fine. paul blew me a kiss.

after the show when everyone was milling around, so many people came up to me to wish me happy birthday, and they said things like, "ooh! we saw you on the big wall!" or "great job!" or "we hoped that he would see you!" one guy even told me how he thought it was cool that i turned around to show the back of my shirt. sweet. seriously, paul mccartney has the best fans in the whole world. they were all SO nice. and i ran into most of the tour crew after the show, too, and they all said, "see? he blew you a kiss! we told you!" hooray!

and of course it was SO freakin SWEET to hear so many awesome beatles songs. "got to get you into my life" was so much fun, and i sang the entirety of "yesterday" with my arms around the ladies that adopted me into their seats. "till there was you" and "let me roll it" were my other favorites. it was so much fun.

when i got back to adam's uncle's house, i wrote scuba a message saying i was going to bake him a cake, every day, three times a day, for the rest of my life. i saw paul. and you know what? he saw me!!!!

one day! one day! one day!

i got one day kids! i'm FREAKIN OUT!

so i thought an appropriate picture for the last day of my countday would be the picture i told you about... the one on the cover of the new cd that i bought. the opening line to one of the songs is "looking though the backyard of my life..." i wonder if there's a connection or not. hmm.

so my grandparents are going to be here any minute to take my car to las cruces. already today i packed both sets of bags, and finished my t-shirt, made the brownies for my hockey buddies, AND went to class (how goody-goody of me), and now i'm just kind of freaking out thinking about what i could have forgotten. oh, and i'm saying good-by to my computer. it's going to las cruces with the car, so don't expect a post for day zero. or day after...

i still have to run some errands and dye my hair. wow...

i'm going to see paul tomorrow! i'm so stoked! i'm really happy, this is so great. it's nice to tell people i'm doing great when they ask, and actually mean it, too. i haven't been sad about mike in like a whole week. that's huge. yay! scuba is the coolest person EVER. i think i'll bake him a cake.

so adam and i are leaving as soon as he's done with his senior design presentations, and then we're going to albuquerque to catch our flight, and then we're having a driver and a lincoln town car pick us up at the airport in phoenix. of course, we're staying at his uncle's house and we're going to drive around phoenix in the family beamer. sweet. and we're going to go see harry potter.

and then i'm going to see paul mccartney!!! hooray!!! yes, this is going to be awesome. i hope i don't die of excitement. but if i do, it will be okay. i will die a happy girl.

yeah, sorry i'm so all over the place right now, but as you can tell i've got several things running through my mind. forgive me please. i don't even know if any of this made sense at all. this is not the day for good writing. it's the day for good music.

i'm so happy.

2 days

well, wimping out on the take-home mechatronics test to make t-shirts and banners this weekend turned out to be something of a mistake... but not a horrible one. i got home from josh's house a little while ago, where josh, adam, jake, jon and i did homework, worked on the test, watched movies, ate pizza, and drank beer. well, josh, adam and jake drank beer. jon opted not to and i tried some of what those boys called "awesome", and it tasted like insecticide to me. beer is gross.

i have SO much to do before my flight leaves tomorrow! heck, i have so much to do before i go to bed tonight! i have one homework assignment that isn't finished (thank GOD i know the grader and can turn it in late) and another that i haven't even started (that WILL be done by morning). and i still have to dye my hair and pack up my car and get ready for the flight and put the finishing touches on the shirt i messed up on and clean out my room... and talk to my boss and get my paycheck and fill out a time card... oh, and go to class. maybe.

i'm so excited! i thought i couldn't shut up about it before, but today i'd be halfway through saying something about the concert or the beatles or sir paul (or my AWESOME beatles jackets that i found at wal mart for $17 each) before i even realize what i'm doing! luckily jake adam and josh were a little too buzzed to be annoyed with me tonight, and jon... well, hopefully he'll still talk to me tomorrow.

yeah, i got a yellow yellow submarine jacket in las cruces and then a brown sargent pepper's jacket in socorro. they are SO COOL! they are my new favorite things. i love them.

and oh yeah, i got my birthday present from my grandmother today. it's the new paul mccartney cd... and i think i told her over the phone the other day that i already have it. whoops... but it was a perfect oresent other than that!

oh yeah, my birthday's coming up. funny how it's getting overshadowed by the awesomeness that is the day before my birthday.

3 days

paul's a cutie.

today i skipped church o stay home and paint more banners and tshirts. my dad cut up a dowel for me to slip inside the edges of the banners so i can hold them over my head by myself. the second banner says, "follow me" twice, once in black and once in red. in one of paul's new songs, one that he's playing at the concert, the line is, "you hold up a sign that reads 'follow me'". so that's where that came from. i'm SO EXCITED!

i'm driving back at six tomorrow morning, and i'll spend all afternoon working on the mechatronics take-home test. i hope i can finish it! with the concert so close, everything is back burner in my mind, but i could really use a good grade on this test. school will still be around after the concert.

that is if i don't die from excitement. i actually wrote a will today. josh gets my stereo as long as he had absolutely nothing to do with my death. and jon gets my car. and the list goes on, but i'm really, really tired. it's time for bed.

and when i wake up, the concert will only be two days away.

4 days

i will see paul in four days. today i watched the bonus dvd that came with my new cd and made one of my banners for the concert. it says, "it's my birthday! blow a kiss?" i made a t shirt too. i'm so excited. it's all i really think about. i'm happy. :)

the hockey game that i had today went nothing like i expected. first of all, pete was there. it's next week that he can't come. i guess i was confused on that fact. second, switzer wasn't there, along with most of his team. the poor guys had no subs. third, teague wasn't there, which meant we had no goalie.

which posed all kinds of problems.

basically it came down to me or collin playing goalie, and i was the "lucky" winner. so i found myself suiting up for the first time in four years. i was terrified. i told the guys how horrible i was. when i skated out to warm up, i let the ball roll right past me into the goal, and yelled, "see! that's not unusual!" i thought i was done for. right before the ref dropped the ball, i said to clifton, "well, even if i suck, i'm going to see paul mccartney in four days, so it'll be okay." he thought that was funny.

get this: we creamed 'em. i made eleven saves and only gave up one goal. before you're impressed by that, let me tell you that my team played awesome defense. they hardly let the other team shoot at all. i've never seen them play so well. their passing was amazing, their defense was nearly flawless, they were talking, their shots were accurate... collin in particular saved me several times, but pete and clifton did outstanding also. i may just play goalie all the time if they're going to protect me like that.

the other team however, didn't come together quite as well on defense, obviously had very few offensive chances, and wore themselves out because they had no subs. poor guys.... i've been there. our final score was somewhere between 15 and 17. incredible. so much for me calling the game. hugo's team lost to kevin's team (but not before hugo scored at beautiful goal for me), so we're playing kevin's team for the championship next week. we'll see how that goes.

at the end of my game, i was thinking, wow... i did well at goalie and i get to see paul mccartney.

life is so awesome sometimes.

5 days

yesterday was yet another busy thursday, and i didn't get a chance to write anything about my six-day mark. i had class until after six, and then a design meeting, and then i went to scott's birthday barbeque, and then i went to josh's house to watch harry potter three.... ahem... i mean study for the civil test. excuse me. after "studying", josh, jon, scott and i laughed at adam for about forty minutes straight. that was great fun. i miss just hanging out with people.

but anyway, that brings us to day five. civil test and eclipse meeting under my belt, i am ready for the weekend. as we speak (or... you know what i mean), i am transfering the new mccartney cd and the live two-disk set from his last US tour onto my shuffle so i can listen to it all the way home. at least half of my playlist this week will be the beatles, paul, and george. i'm stoked.

tomorrow is the first weekend of the tournament. my team ended in last place (don't laugh! there are only four teams, it's not that bad) so we're going to have to play the first-seated team, ken switzer's team. switzer is the best player in the league. i've studied his playing style for years, and the only way to stop him is to take advantage of the fact that he's one of the smaller guys and knock him over. which isn't really classy. or allowed. so that's bad news. this team also has not one, but two of the best goalies in the league. and on top of that, pete, who is one of our best players, is not going to make to to the game. we're totally screwed. there's no way we're going to pull this off.

but it's okay, because i'm going to see paul mccartney in five days. last night, scuba said, "wow, you'll probably be happy for like a whole week after this concert."

and i said, "no scuba. i'll be happy forever."

7 days

one week! one week! one week!

i'm a bad friend. today is scott's birthday. but much more importantly, today marks seven days until the moment when i get to see sir paul! yay! jake and i took scott out to dinner. that was nice... except i kept looking at my watch and saying, "oooh, in one week and five minutes, the concert is going to be starting!" or "know where i'll be next week? i'll be in the same room as paul mccartney!"

poor scott! how annoying of me. but i can't help it! i'm so excited! i really can't shut up about this. i keep thinking of all the things i need to do, like dye my hair purple again and make myself a t-shirt and a banner or two and print off the plane tickets and figure out what time he's getting to the arena so i can stand outside and yell "i love you paul!"

it does make me feel a little better when i realize that this concert is also more important to me than my own birthday. if you notice, i'm counting down to the show, not to my big # 22. who cares about birthdays? i've had lots of those. this will be a once-in-a-lifetimer. and i'm so very excited.

you can't tell, can you?

8 days

it's freakin freezing mr. bigglesworth!

so my aunt keeps asking me what i want to eat on thanksgiving (which is my birthday). she feels sorry for me because i always get screwed on my birthday when it comes to food and turkey and relatives and stuff, and she knows i hate eating leftover thanksgiving food instead of pizza and cake, year after year.

our conversations have been funny lately, because she's really concerned about making everyone happy. "now, do you want to eat turkey with the rest of us? or i could make you something else? or you don't have to come at all! or we could have thanksgiving for lunch and then birthday for dinner! or whatever you want! what do you think?" very nice of her, but i don't want her to stress out. i finally just told her, barb, i'm going to see paul mccarney. i don't care what we eat! i'm going to be happy!

and it's true! honestly, if we have a thanksgiving meal of beenie weenies, i will still be one happy girl. i will eat whatever i am told to eat.

that is if i'm not still to excited to eat.

9 days

sigh.....

okay, i have got to get this stomach thing under control before i go to phoenix. this is rediculous. i feel like i've been kicked really, really hard in the gut. it's very uncomfortable.

this weekend i bought the new paul mccartney cd so i could be up-to-date on his new songs, and tonight i listened to it with jon and josh over some controls homework. the album cover has the most adorable picture of a very young paul playing the guitar in what looks like someone's backyard. it's quite artistic. far from finishing our homework, we started talking about what i could do to get the picture signed and such... well, my nerves were shot before that. and now i'm paying for it. why can't i just relax?!?

in case you're wondering, the controls homework did not go well. we all gave up, even jon the invincible. in fact, three out of four of our questions are still unanswered, and one isn't really even started.

i can't sleep when my homework's not done. and heaven knows i can't sleep thinking about the you-know-what coming up in nine days. that means i'm going to try really hard to distract myself with my book of the moment, harry potter and the order of the phoenix. uh oh, phoenix! that's in arizona! i'm going there! in nine days! so is paul mccartney!

don't say concert!

i said concert.

10 days

yeah, that's right. i skipped the eleven-day mark. but it's really hard for me to post on saturdays, seeing as i'm scorekeeping and statisticianing all day long. but i made up for it by telling everyone who would stop to listen, "know what i'm doing in eleven days?"

another loss for team canada. teague gave up a couple flukey goals early on that we couldn't seem to recover from, but i think we played pretty well. the other team (kevin's team) did well also, it was a fun game. i got a penalty for "tripping" peanut that was a little bogus... but whatever. collin continues to impress me with his work ethic, the kid was exhausted. and of course dinger played great. the weird thing is that rick is being super nice... to everyone. i don't understand it, but it's a welcome change.

and we have a new teammate! well, as "new" as a league veteran can be. clifton may actually have been playing longer than i have, and that's saying something. he left for the marines four years ago, and suddenly showed up last week, looking for a team. lucky me, we got him. i say "lucky" because he's really good, and because he's an old friend and i missed him! i'm glad he's back.

yesterday i got goals from lee, phil, eric, danny, and joe. the one from joe was cool, because he usually plays goalie, so he obviously doesn't doesn't score very often. i think he has four goals this season. and one of them is mine, hooray! hugo didn't score at all yesterday, but i don't feel sorry for him because he totally ditched me to go to starbucks.

and of course i took every opportunity to tell everyone at hockey yesterday and at church this morning what my thanksgiving plans include. i can't shut up about sir paul. yay, sir paul! today i went to the store and bought some blank t-shirts to write, "it's my birthday" on. i'm so excited!

and is this not the most adorable picture you've ever seen?

12 days

so it's come to this.... i saw mike twice today, and both times he acknowledged the person i was walking with (josh and adam, respectively) but looked right through me. what a jerk. and i know for a fact that he hates when people do that. he thinks it's low. or he used to... i don't really know him anymore, i guess.

that's the bad news. the good news is that it's an absolutely gorgeous day, the town of socorro looks beautiful in it's various autumn colors, i'm driving home to las cruces as soon as i'm done typing this post, and i'm going to see paul mccartney in twelve days. let's examine these a little more closely, shall we?

1.) it's a gorgeous day.
who would have thought? it went from being boiling summer to freezing winter in one day (see previous posts) to being really nice outside. it's amazing! i love not needing a jacket! it makes me happy!

2.) beautiful autumn colors!
i've always liked the socorro autumn scene better than that in las cruces, because the leaves actually change color up here. in las cruces, it freezes once and all the leaves are gone in one day. here, the local inhabitants enjoy several weeks of lovely fall foilage (how'd you like that propaganda?). but seriously, i'm really enjoying it because last year we didn't have fall, we had a hailstorm in october that broke all the trees. consequently, there weren't any leaves to change. very sad. but there's this beautiful tree between the library and the mechanical building that i pass every morning on my way to school... it's awesome. i don't know what kind of tree it is, but it has just about every color. i made josh take a picture.

3.) las cruces!!!!
well, 'nuff said there. no school! no group priorities! no homework! no silent-treatment back-stabbing roommate! no cowardly ex-boyfriend!
and the pros: sister! brothers! cousin! aunt, uncle, parents, grandparents! doggie!!!!! hockey! church! friends! shopping! food! entertainment!
i think you get the idea.

4.) paul mccartney in twelve days
last night i told christian about the concert, and he started asking me all the detail questions, like he thought he was going to go. riiiiiiiight.... i told him there was still a ticket in the front row going for $11,000. i think he thought i was kidding. but i wasn't.
today i told rosemary, the meche secretary, that i was going to the concert that i talked about all summer. she said she couldn't believe it and started talking about the beegees.
my grandparents stopped in town today and we all excited for me, and they told me about all the doll shops in glenndale. that's when a trip becomes reality for me, when my grandparents tell me about the antique stores. that means i'm really going. i'm really going!

and here's a parting shot for your viewing pleasure.

13 days

thursdays suck in general, but this one was particularly gnarly. i walked to school at 9:15 and had class straight until 5:45. that's right. eight and a half hours of nothing but class. no lunch, no nap, no dinner...

oddly enough, i found myself smiling a lot today. it's no secret that this has been my hardest semester, so i'm not as smiley as i have been in the past. but today, i felt a little bit more like myself. let me explain.

if anyone wears her heart on her sleeve, it's me. there is no buffer between my emotions and my facial expressions. sometimes i can fake it, but only when i'm in the zone. this semester, the things on my mind have been hockey, school, and mike. hockey's good. school is pretty dismal. mike is heartbreaking and depressing and really makes me angry. unfortunately, i still think about him quite a bit. and it totally shows.

today, every thought of "sir paul" had me grinning like a dorky little kid. i'm really going to go! it's so exciting! i keep day dreaming about the many ways i could "happen" to end up backstange and stuff like that. every mention of thanksgiving set me off. that's a first! i usually hate thanksgiving. anyway, today my mind hit "sir paul" many more times than it hit "mike". i found myself smiling more often than i was frowning. it's a start.

yesterday, dr. marshal told us that lab was cancelled on the day before thanksgiving. my brain immediatly chattered, "the day before thanksgiving? where will i be the day before thanksgiving? i'll be at the show. yay, the show, the show! the paul show!" that did it. i had a huge smile on my face. he saw me and said, "oh, try not to look so happy! trust me, i'm happier than you are!"

yeah right. i'm the happiest. :)

so i'm happy to report that even though i spent most of yesterday blissfully picturing paul mccartney singing me happy birthday instead of studying, i think i did really well on my machine design test. actually, i think i kicked it in the junk. hurray!

new outlook on thanksgiving

i feel like i'm neglecting you, little blog.

last night i bought my plane ticket.... i'm really going to see paul mccartney! after i bought it, it really started to hit me. and my stomach is already upset. i'm going to have to figure out how to beat this before i go to the concert... in two weeks!

adam and i are flying out of albuquerque on tuesday night, staying at his unlce's house until thursday morning, and then i'm flying to el paso and he's going back to albuquerque. this is turning out to be just perfect. i get to go to the concert, hang out with adam, AND go to the annual LCIHA thanksgiving pick-up hockey game. oh, AND my aunt and uncle are hosting thanksgiving this year, and i hear they're putting green chile in everything. i'm so excited.

here's what's on my mind:





now let's see if i can study for my machine design test tomorrow. yeah right.

can it be?

okay, quick update:
halloween rocked. it was lots of fun. again, for details, check out my uncle's website and click on the link for the mausoleum page. of course, we had the kids that were brats, but the majority of them had a blast.

and then on tuesday morning i came back to school... by tuesday afternoon i was ready to drop out. i hate school, i hate school, i hate school! it's amazing how just being in socorro makes me miserable, and how a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders when i get to las cruces.

but enough about that. here's the real reason i'm writing. let's see, how well do you know me? what do i want for my birthday? what do i want reallyreallyreally badly?

so scuba came over yesterday and handed me a ticket to the paul mccartney concert in phoenix on the day before my birthday. he bought a $700 seat for $200. and he gave it to me, saying he knew i was having a rough semester and he thought he'd give me a chance to go, seeing as i've been talking about it since, oh, april. i checked out the seat. it's not bad. not amazing, but not bad.

i was super freaked out. i hadn't slept at all the night before, thanks to good ol homework, so i wasn't really in any condition to express my thanks. add to that the immediate guard wall that went up and the voice in my head that yelled, "do NOT get excited. this can't be as good as you think." i didn't really know what to say, so i kind of babbled about stuff.

he left and i called adam. he freaked. i read all the reports on the shows so far in the tour. i found as many picture of the inside of glendale arena as i could, making sure that i'll be able to see sir paul. i got excited. i called my dad. carmen came home. she freaked. even after all that, i don't think it's really hit me yet... i'm going to see paul mccartney! can it be? am i going to wake up and find that this is a cruel dream?

it's been one day. josh says he's already sick of hearing me talk about this concert. he says he'd rather have massive amounts of homework to do that listen to me talk about paul mccartney for two weeks. two and a half, i remind him. that's another thing- how am i going to stand this for two and a half weeks? i have problems with anxiousness, i get really sick! how am i going to get anything done? i have three, maybe four tests between now and then. is this the end of my college carrer?

i don't care if it is. i'm going to the concert.

halloween, hooray!

yesterday i spent almost all day at my uncle's house working on stuff for halloween. i'm so excited! it's going to be so, so cool for all the little trick-or-treaters that come out. the yard will be transformed into a graveyard with silly tombstones and a creepy crypt with a flying ghost bobbing about inside. the drivway gets tacken over by the carnival games, which i think are a "rat toss" and something to do with getting a steel hoop over some bones.

this year they have the blacklight puppetshow, with it's huge, nearly life-size puppets and my sister as the live-action gypsy witch. that's going to be a huge hit, because it was good last year but this year will be even more fun. my brother is also going to trade off playing marius, the villian, and doing other, smaller special effects with byron.

this will take him away from the magic mirror, my uncle's brilliant trick-or-treat facade that features a computer moniter face, a kareoke machine, and a fog machine where the candy comes out. this will be the third year for the magic mirror, but it's cool enough that it's still not old news, even compared with the other awesome halloween additions.

and that leads us to the mausoleum, where brave trick-or-treaters will enter the spooky walk-in crypt, the inside filled with dim, flickering light (from one of those fake flame caldrons). the visitor will open up one of the nine tombs and see the gory corpses inside. if his heart does not fail him, he will then reach his hand past the scary remains to get the prize (most likely chocolate coins). then, when the visitor has his arm halfway inside the crypt, i, behind the scenes in the back of the mausoleum, will scare the crap out of him. bwah hah hah!!! yes, i've had my eye on that job for months. and tonight it will be mine, mine!

yes, i'm skipping my monday class and staying in las cruces for halloween. i don't care much about the class i'm skipping, but the homework session that josh and jon will have this afternoon would have helped me out a lot. i tried that homework last night, and i'm stuck. but i think that's an acceptable loss. my uncle's house is probably the best place in the whole state to be tonight, if you have the means, i highly suggest it.

misery loves company?

tonight was "share your favorite verse night" at iv. at last week's leader's meeting, jesse instructed us to be ready to jump up in front if things slowed down to a lull. tonight was a good meeting, there was lots of participation.

i was a little late. when i walked in, i noticed a boy i know (a fellow iv leader, no less) sitting outside next to the doors by himself. i've never seen him look so sad. he and i have never been great friends or anything, but we say hello to each other, and he didn't look at me when i walked by, just as if he didn't want to be seen.

he came into the meeting a few minutes after i did, and sat by himself with such a look on his face... he looked crushed. he didn't get up and read his verse. in fact, he didn't look up the whole meeting, even when his girlfriend got up to share her verse. and she didn't look at him. it doesn't take a brainiac to draw the conclusion that i'm drawing. after the meeting ended, he left. against my better judgement i followed him outside. he knew i was behind him, but didn't turn around. i asked, "are you alright?" he didn't turn around or stop walking but he said he yes. so i left him alone.

i really hope he's okay. like i said, we've never been close, but it just kills me to see that look... i know that look. i know that feeling. i recognized it as soon as i saw him. what went on inside just backed up my initial gut reaction. i so badly wanted to run up to him and say, "i know, it sucks! i know! i don't know what to do either. but it'll be okay, i promise."

did it take someone who knows the feeling to see what how he was hurting? or am i just being the broken-hearted equivalent of paraniod here? maybe the poor kid was just sick or something. am i imagining emotional pain in the people around me because that's what i'm going through? do i think everyone is heartbroken just because i am?

whether i'm right about him or not, this is a weird experience for me. before all of this, even when one of my friends was sobbing in my lap about a boy that had dumped her or some such story, i could not relate. sure, i felt really bad and wanted to fix everything, but this is different. i don't know how to explain it.

this week in hockey news...

i finally got to play hockey again this weekend, after a very long two-week lull thanks to last week's thunderstorms. i missed it. a lot.

first, i took my little brother to his hockey practice on friday. when we got there, dr. dave, who is andy's coach and out for the season in a walking cast, told me to suit up and scrimmage with the boys. that was really fun, because i used to coach a lot of those little boys. the ones i didn't coach thought i would be a pushover, but were they ever wrong! ha! i got on a team with my old friend gordon and another kid, gabe, and we played against andy and lee and about three or four other kids. we totally dominated.

after the kid's practice, the adult league had a scheduled practice, but as usual, no one showed up. i had already worked up a sweat from the kid's practice, but i wasn't ready to go home yet, so i started skating laps and doing sprints and working on my weak slapshot. as i was skating, the sun set and the whole sky turned bright pink and orange and the mountains turned purple. the rink is in the middle of a really large sports complex that takes up several blocks, so there's flat softball fields or desert parking lot on every side. this makes for a very nice view of the sky.

so there i was, the nice, clean, smooth rink and the brand-new boards to myself, surrounded by a huge rose-colored sky, thinking, i could just stay here. i could just not ever go back to school. las cruces is my favorite.

next day i was back at nine for the little kid's games. lee scored to goals for me. phil, my little sparky, scored two goals for me. hugo scored two goals for me also, which was interesting, because he was playing against my team. i'm not sure my teammates saw the humor in that.

he went into that game pretty mad, because my team picked up kevin christeson, who really should not be allowed to play in the over-seventeen league, mostly because he's seventeen. i didn't want him to play, either. hugo put up a big fuss about it, but lost, so he and his team were mad. they picked up a couple of subs also, to make up for ray not being around, and they beat us by three or four points. collin did great, as ever, dinger was alright, i did alright, teague played awesome as goalie, and kevin was, eh... he was kevin. and that brings us to rick.

i told you from the beginning that i don't like rick. mostly this is because he's a playing time hog and a jerk. last season, when he was the new guy, when i didn't even know him, i stuck up for him when some people on his team were talking schmack. later he told me off for taking up his playing time. i got really mad, and a lot of people were mad for me, too. but since then we really haven't bumped heads. i just steer clear of him.

so at saturday's game, rick's being his usual self and not subbing out. that wasn't really a big deal. the big deal was, he was tired, he was playing tired, it was affecting his game, we had two guys on the bench, and he still wasn't subbing out. collin was all alone on defense, and i was rushing back to help, and rick was just standing around, taking a breather. i wasn't trying to be ugly, but i called to him, "rick, if you're tired, take a break."

he didn't say anything until the play stopped. then he blew up at me. just... yelling. "if i'm tired, it's because i'm playing your position!!!!" okay, first of all, he wasn't playing my position or his position, he was standing still watching the play. but i didn't get into that. the point was, he needed to sit, and he was tired. so i said, "well, then take a break! we have subs." and he yelled the same thing, about how he was tired because he was playing my position. and then he just started saying that i don't know how to position. so i thought, okay, enough of this.

i know how to position. i consider it to be the strongest part of my game. i'm not the best puck handler, i don't score a lot, and heaven knows my slapper sucks. but i've been a coach and a player and a statistician for a long, long time. i've been involved in this league longer than most of the board members. i watch almost every game. i have watched more three-on-three hockey than probably anyone in the league. so i said, "no rick, you position weird. you're playing like this is five-on-five, but it's not, this is three-on-three. that affects the positioning." and i was so right.

rick, still yelling, now got sarcastic on me, even though i was pretty calm and not yelling at all. he said, "oooooh, suuuuure, and how long have you been you been playing? half a year?!?" to which i replied, "no. eight." so rick said, "ooooooh, eight! woaaaaaaaaw...." like it was nothing. we ended it then, because collin and teague were just standing there all bewildered, as well as the ref, and rick had already made himself look like a jerk. surprisingly, i wasn't hardly mad at all. i was annoyed, and i don't like him, but i didn't get upset.

people came up to me for the rest of the day and told me in hushed, dramatic tones that i was right and rick was a loser. they thought it was funny that he said i'd only been playing half a year. he really proved that he doesn't know what's going on with that comment. rick played two more games after that, and his teams were all over him about subbing out on time. he got in another argument with chris about it. it's like i set the stage for other people to confront him. it's funny, that league reminds me of middle school sometimes.

i love it. i wouldn't miss it for the world.

halloween plans

hey, i know you may be sick of hearing this, but did i mention that las cruces rocks and socorro sucks? i did? hmm.

this weekend was our second-to-last chance to really get some work done on the mausoleum and get everything ready for the big day. friday was tech's "homecoming", which i guess is fun for the school athletes and the party animals, but i am neither, so i left town after my last class on thursday. on friday morning i went over to my uncle's house and helped him and byron paint halloween facades all day. we painted and talked about politics, painted and talked about movies, painted and talked about iv (surprize there), the list goes on and on. we finally packed up about four in the afternoon because my uncle had to go pick up alex and byron had a date night with his wife. i, however, drove my little brother to hockey practice.

yesterday andy, scott and i went back for the formal "work day". we drove around with my aunt distributing fliers for her good-will pumpkin carving contest, which she says will keep the neighbors from calling the police halloween night because of the crowds of people. and the crowds are going to be huge. then scott and i tested all the fog machines and timers and manual buttons to make sure that they suck up the fog juice properly and everything. fog smells really weird, we discovered, but the equipment mostly worked, much to the delight of alex, who screamed and pointed and ran around everytime the back porch filled with the weird-smelling clouds. he is the cutest kid ever. i love him.

then i helped byron put together the LEDs for the inside of the crypts. it was a lot of wire stripping and soldering and shrink tubing, but we finally established a system of sorts. we tested how two red ones and two yellow ones looked inside a crypt against one of my uncle's fake skulls. when we shut off the garage lights, everyone looked inside and saw the skull lit red from one side and yellow from the other, and it was very, very spooky. this is going to be SO much fun.

on friday i bought a mask from one of the halloween stores in town. it's purple and has feathers on it. i plan on dying my hair purple, which i think will look pretty cool, and just wearing dark clothes so i won't be able to be seen inside the mausoleum. i'm going to be a behind-the-scenes scarer. i'm so excited! hooray for halloween!

if you'd like to check out my uncle's blog, where he's posted several pictures and keeps better tabs on the progress than i do (and the final week should be an exciting one), he's nephilim dot blogspot dot com.

weekend, uh huh

here i am, eleven hours until my first class, sitting on the couch in las cruces with my brothers and sister, watching dallas play vancouver. right now the stars are down by one with about five minutes left. hockey is back. i love mike modano. we've got the popcorn, the pretzels, the milk, and we're going to watch evita after the game.

there were no hockey games this weekend, because it was pouring saturday morning, so i hung out with andy and lee at the mall for about four hours. that was fun. then we went and helped paint sets at my unlce's house, then we went to see wallace and gromit (which rocked) and then alicia and i went dancing. today after church i bought myself some new clothes. my grandparents showed up at our house tonight and my sister and i sang them "feed the birds" from marry poppins, mariachi style. we are awesomly good at that. then my dad made us kung-pow chicken for dinner (d'angelo stayed) and then nick, tracy and i headed over to my uncle's house to help tear down the halloween stuff. and now here we are, watching the game.

i love being at home. sure, it means i have to wake up a little before six to get into town in time for my nine o'clock class, but i'm so glad i'm not in socorro. my family is so much fun.

so my sister and i are considering releasing a cd of mariachi-style cover songs. keep your eyes open.

midsemester today

i hate school, i hate school, i hate school....

never, in all my time at tech, have i been this miserable. even at the very beggining, when i had no friends at all and couldn't do my chemistry homework and almost failed calc one, even then was not as bad as now. not by a long shot.

i have no confidence in the meche classes i'm taking this semester. if i don't have jon or adam looking over my shoulder, i'm sure i'm doing it wrong. i don't understand the material. it's not just that it's hard, most of the classes here are hard, but i don't understand it and i'm really not interested in it. conrols, mechatronics? i don't care. i just feel dumb all the time.

then there's the whole drama. i've had a chance to talk to both kc and mike. kc took it like a man. mike walked away. i'm so mad at both of them, and i'm so hurt. they say god told them to do it. what am i supposed to say to that? "well, god was wrong!" it sucks that i can't get away from this. i can't just have a big fight and be done with it. they are still dating each other at the end of the day. i don't want to come back to my own house. today josh and jon and i were studying in the ce lab, and kat called to tell josh that she and mike and shuter were coming. josh warned me, and i left because i didn't want to see mike. but after i left i didn't know what to do... i didn't want to go home either.

i want so badly just to drive home to las cruces and forget about tech. i could get a job (even if it's back at the nursery), and hang out with my family and the few friends i've kept in touch with and play hockey. my little cousin is so much better than school. my uncle's halloween plans are so much more interesting than controls. hockey is way better than iv. way better.

and now i have a senoir design meeting in five minutes. i don't want to see those boys.

about the game...

another loss for team canada, but this one we really should have won. first of all, it should have been a forfeit for the other team, since they only had one guy show up, and we had four. but they picked a guy up, and we picked a guy up, and they picked up the hugos (totally not fair). then about twenty minutes into the game, two more of their players showed up. we were leading alomost the whole game, but we ended up loosing by one. we would have lost by two, but collin gave me the sweetest pass in the last minute and i scored. yay! i gave it to ian, who was keeping score. hugo scored four goals. we really should have won. but it was fun.

there's a new guy on that team. his name is roger. new guys amuse me. they nearly always fall into one of three categories:
a.) the gentlemanly type, that go really easy on me and apologize for everything, like they hurt me or something. i take advantage of this. they catch on eventually.
b.) the very snobby type, that totally ignore me on the court because they think they are above playing with a girl. it's weird, because they play like i'm not even there. i take advantage of this also, and get lots of steals that way. this usually doesn't last long, less than a game in most cases.
c.) the macho type, who have something to prove, that play really hard against me. this i can't really use to my advantage, but i typically play pretty well against them because, well, i have something to prove, too.
young roger falls into that last category. he played rough the whole game, and it was frustrating for me because he's actually very good. somehow i ended up guarding him most of the time, and it was hard work! he had a lot of goals. he's fast.

on the other hand, he ended up guarding me a lot of the time, and i'm happy with how i played. i always got the long shot off before he charged me (and they were good shots!), my passing around him was good, and he was guarding me when i scored. ha! take that, mr. chip-on-my-shoulder.

hockey is so, soooo much better than school.

hey, hey, rainy day

today i slept through my alarm and woke up eight minutes before class. i got dressed and ran out the door and realized on my way to class that winter had suddenly fallen overnight and i should have worn a sweatshirt. it was freezing. later that freezing turned into raining and freezing. it was really cold, but i still jumped in puddles on my way home for lunch, because i'm mad and i could.

kc has not so much as looked at me since this bomb got dropped. she's a coward. i saw mike driving his truck, and he just stared at me. he's a coward too. the more i think about it, the more i think mike told kat because he knew it would get back to me eventually and he didn't want to tell me himself. he is so careful with what he says, he thinks about everything that comes out of his mouth. that's one of the things i really liked about him. this was no accident. now both of them are james deaning it, playing it cool, like they think i'll get better or forget or something. riiiiiiiiight... what a lousy plan.

i'm feeling very confrontational about this. i know exactly what i want to say to both of them. in fact, i can't stop rehearsing it in my head. the problem is, both of them are avoiding me like pros. in all honesty i've only seen kc twice since tuesday afternoon, and both times were for about four seconds. i have things i need to say to her, that i need to say face to face. i have even more things i need to say to mike, face-to-face. i don't know how to go about this.

i don't want to be bitter. but right now it sure seems like boys are liars and girls are backstabbers and all people just suck in general. the worst of it is, i thought mike was the best boy in the world for about three years. i loved him so much. if i could fall for him, and he can do something like this.... boy, and i thought i had good taste. i know this is short-sighted, but right now it really feels like i won't ever trust someone like that again. feels like i don't want to.

i know, i know, i know. things will get better. i know they will. i know there are good people too, actually my friends are doing a great job of taking care of me. i know that things happen for a purpose and that i will learn things from this and that GOD has a plan. but right now i don't even want to think about the other fish in the proverbial sea.

fish lie. fish suck. i hate fish.

very long angry post

we had a test in construction management today. i did alright, i probably should have studied more, but it will be okay. yesterday i studied with josh, and when we weren't getting anywhere, i gave him a ride home. on the way, he asked me, "so i heard mike is going out with that other girl now?" i knew who he meant.

so i heard this from josh, who heard from kat, who has several classes with mike, and since it was somewhat shady third-hand information, i didn't fully believe him right away. when i got home, i called carmen. she told me they've been dating for weeks now, and that kc made her promise not to tell me. she said that mike and kc went to the pastor of their church and talked it over with him, and they prayed about it and talked it over with joel (kc's ex-boyfriend) and talked about it to a whole group of people and everyone seemed okay with it. so it sounds like they handled everything right.

except me! you know, i don't swear, because it's not a habit that i want my eleven-year-old brother to pick up and i'm all about being a good role model. but it really seems appropriate in this situation. so if you'd like to mentally add four-letter-words where you feel the need, be my guest.

i feel totally betrayed by both of them. they've been dating for weeks and lying to me about it. i can't believe they would do this. i can't believe they would let me find out from josh! what was kc thinking? how was this going to be okay? what was pastor randall thinking? he knows me too! why did joel get to be part of this whole decision making process and i didn't? you know, even if they had been upfront about this it would have been terrible but this... unbelievable. redundant, i know, but that's all i can use to describe this.

a few weeks ago i had a Big Talk with mike, just to get some of my questions answered. he said he broke up with me because GOD doesn't want him to have a girlfriend right now. then he said that he still cares about me and hopes we can be friends. when i'm thinking about that now, i wonder if he was already dating kc at that point. the time frame seems about right... he must have at least been thinking about it. he doesn't care about me. if he did, he wouldn't have let this happen. and the whole girlfriend and religion thing... he's a liar. he's a liar.

so after i called carmen i was very upset. i got out of the house and started walking. i went all over town in a zig-zag, because i was avoiding places where i knew people. apparently i didn't do this very well, because i already ran into someone today who said i walked right by his house. he didn't say, "i saw you wandering around town crying like a little two-year-old", but i'm sure i've made a fool of myself. i ended up on the road to magdelena and i sat there for about three hours. i called my dad and cryed. i really wanted to break my phone, but i restrained myself. just when the sun was going down, nicki's mom was driving by and she saw me sitting there and pulled over. and wouldn't you know it, she already knew why i was upset, because i really was the last person to find out about this. anyway, she gave me a ride home.

if there were a list of slimey, horrible, low things you could do, breaking up with your girlfriend of thirteen months by giving her the GOD card and then dating her roommate has got to be like top five. secretly dating your roommate's ex-boyfriend behind her back is up there too. they are bad, bad people.

first test of the semester

i took the hardest test i've ever taken on thursday. it was mechatronics, and it was supposed to be hard, but not that hard. it was impossible. jon, the smartest person in class, the smartest person i know, only finished half of it. so it's not that bad that i failed, because i guess everyone failed, but what gets me is that i spent several long hours studying, and i might as well have been reading harry potter for how much good it did me. i told travis that, and he said, "that's why i'm glad i didn't study. i wouldn't have studied any of that."

that test was from dr. miller. on tuesday, we have another miller test, this one in controls. i'm so discouraged by it, because even if i study my butt off it won't matter. maybe i will actually make a dent in harry potter and the order of the pheonix.

school sucks. i've never hated school as much as i do this semester. i was talking about this with josh, and he mentioned that if this had happened to us our first semester, we would have dropped out. the only thing that's keeping us going now is the fact that we're almost done. we've come so far that we can't give up now, and they know it, and they're taking advantage of that. dirty cowards.

in other news, my team lost again, so we're now 1-3. i didn't score yesterday, but my passing was on. bean didn't show up, and dr. dave isn't playing anymore, and there was no sign of gabe. but i got goals from phil (who's new nickname is sparky, and he's trying to call me spunky), lee (that's my boy. he's awesome), danny (he's the most fun), hugo (i was reffing that game) and finally, after weeks and weeks of asking, ray. woo hoo!

sin and hockey

i just saw sin city this weekend, and i thought it was great. i love movies that are so artistic, i felt like i was watching a comic book. that, combined with the last comment about how my blog needs more pictures, promted the nice black-and-white you see above.

we won our game yesterday! 6-5, tied nearly the whole game, but a win is a win. bean was there this week, and dr. dave wasn't around. i didn't score, but i had a few good screens, and an assist i think. i don't know, i felt like i did a lot better in the last game. we all did.

i'm totally impressed with collin and teague, though. they just moved up to the adult leage this season and they are still getting used to the different hustle and the longer haves. that extra ten minutes really makes a difference. but they're so cool! collin especially was working really hard in the last game.

i didn't go for soup this weekend because after my game i felt really sick. but i felt a little better because derrik, phil, danny and hugo jr. all scored goals for me. infact, hugo scored two. : )

naughty and nice

an interesting question was posed to me today... if you could have a piano fall on the person of your choice, who would it be? well, i'm not so sure i'd go as far as piano chucking, i'm not a homocidal person or anything, but i've definitely got some people i'm annoyed with right now. oddly enough, paired with every thorn in my side is a person that i could not do without. want the naughty and nice list?

1. first, there is the iv staff worker. we'll call him dar. i don't know why i'm bothering to conceal his name, because anyone who reads this who knows me will know exactly who i'm talking about, but here goes.

dar called a meeting wednesday night, right after my senoir design group meeting (more about that later). i was going on four hours of sleep and was barely coherent. i still had several hours of homework ahead of me before i could go to bed, and was looking forward to dressing up (which is not my jive) and handing out resumes the next morning at the career fair. i was expecting the meeting to be forty-five minutes or an hour, tops, and all business. first thing dar says is, "is it okay with everyone if we go for a few hours tonight?" i thought he was kidding. i laughed. he wasn't kidding.

so he hands out this fifteen-page guide about leadership for us to discuss. okay kids, let's turn to page one and take ten minutes or so to read through it and jot down your thoughts. alright dar, let me get this straight... i don't have time to sleep, and you're going to make me come to this meeting that's not even planning anything and sit around for hours talking about my feelings? if i'm not taking a test on this tomorrow, i'm not reading it. i was about ready to fake my own death to get out of there.

enter my knight in shining armor, jon. good ol' jon. he called my phone, and i excused myself. once in the hall, i told him i was in big trouble and he had to call me in twenty minutes and demand that i leave the meeting at once. and he did just that. twenty minutes later, he called and said, "i'm on my way over to your house, so you'd better be there." sorry, dar, i really have to go.... at that point, we were an hour into the meeting and were on page four. thank GOD for jon. if he ate sugar, i'd bake him a cake. then at my house, he walked josh and i through the controls homework for a few hours, even though he'd already finished it. he is the nicest person ever.

2. my team leader, leroy. yeah, i tried not to name names in my last post about him, but i'm pretty fed up. he's not doing his job. he almost missed our presentation because he was at the pub, drinking, and only made it because one of his drinking buddys said, "hey, don't you have class in five minutes?" he's late for meetings, does not communicate with us, and is not doing his weekly progess reports like he's supposed to.

which brings me to travis. thank GOD for travis also. i've already told you how he and i stayed up until three a.m. fixing leroy's mixtakes (and plagerism!), but i found out a few nights ago that he's been pulling up the slack on leroy's weekly reports also. he's the one who shows up on time when leroy is late and saves us from flunking. he and i were the ones who did the presentation on wednesday night before the iv meeting (see above), and both of us were sleep deprived and our brains were fried. i am so glad he's on my team. i need to call him and tell him i can help out more, since it's obvious our leader is a bum.

interesting point, casey and i were the first ones at the meeting on wednesday. i asked him if leroy had filled him in on the project at all, and he said yes. then he said, "seems like leroy does most of the work." i didn't want to bash the leader before casey's first meeting, so i just said, "oh really? huh."

3. other kc now, the one i live with. i don't know what the deal is. she's not talking to me. my study buddies (read josh) think she's mean. that wouldn't be so bad, but she's not doing her dishes either, it's been a whole week now, and when she leaves the shower it is gross. gross. but i guess what's really bugging me is that she hangs out with mike all the time and both of them ignore me when they're over here. mike used to be my boyfriend. he's totally over me, i'm not over him, not even close. i want to think that there's nothing going on between them, but... but... this so sucks.

on the other hand, carmelita is the best friend and roommate ever. i slept in this morning and she woke me up and made me breakfast and put chai in a little travel mug for me so i could take it to class. she's so awesome. and she can read my mind when it comes to the whole mikeandkc situation. she doesn't know what to do about it, but she takes care of me. i love her.

and now, thank heaven, it's the weekend. time for hockey and my family.

hockey day!

i'm on a hockey team! i'm so excited! my teammates are peter dinger, dr. dave, collin, teague, bean (who wasn't there this week), gabe sanchez, and this guy named rick. i no likey rick, and i've been known to disagree with bean, but on the whole i really love my team and if i could have picked one to be on, it would be that one.

yesterday we played the team with ray, hugo, and hugo. they creamed us. i think they won by like eight. i don't know what was going on! dinger and teague had so many shots that were this close, but didn't go in. i'm not usually one to talk schmack about goalies, but gabe was not playing up to his usual skill. ryan, who was playing at the other end, had about seven posts in each half. if GOD was playing, he was definitely on ryan's team.

you gotta wonder about whoever put these teams together... there were three "ryan"s and two "hugo"s on the team we played. anyway, a different ryan, who was not playing goalie, who is dr. dave's son, didn't have such a great game, mostly because he was the only player on his who didn't score, and partly because i totally stomped him about three times.

when i took my first shift of the game, the face-off was low in our zone. i asked the other skater if he wanted to play defense, and he did, so i got ready to rush the point (who was ryan). they won the face-off, the puck went right to ryan, and i rushed him. i got possesion from him and just kept going, yay, breakaway holly! and i went and scored. i'd been on the court about fifteen seconds. and i was the cool kid. and that was just the first time i stomped him.

i got compliments for that "pretty" goal all day. i told hugo jr. that i'd scored it for him.

anyway, i'm sure you don't want to be bored by every detail of the game. i'll just say that it was a blast, i love my team, and i totally can't figure out why the score wasn't closer! i thought we were working really hard, i'm not saying we should have won, but, but... ray scored five goals! what the....

oh, and my little brother andy, his best friend lee, my little buddy ian ("sunshine"), hugo jr, and my friend danny all scored goals for me throughout the course of the day. yay! and hugo, hugo, ray and i went out for soup and beer again. that may turn into a new after-hockey tradition. i love hockey!

the semester is here

well, it's baaaaaack!

good ol' schoolwork. too bad none of us missed it. i'll keep this short, and maybe explain myself later. my new group is interesting. we got a new guy, casey, which brings our total number to four. i haven't had a chance to even talk to him yet. our team leader is a slacker and i want to kick him in the balls. mr. other guy, however, stayed up until three a.m. with me last night trudging through mr. team leader's mistakes, so i'm very impressed with him and he's on my good side.

my job sucks. controlls sucks. machine design sucks. mechatronics is okay, but the lab sucks. senior design is a pain in my side.

right now i am loving construction management, though. yay for trivial math.

i need sleep like my brother needs a haircut.

sweet soreness

is it weird that i like to be sore? i mean, i don't like it, it sucks to hurt when you move, but when my muscles are acheing i feel so athletic and it seems more like i accomplished something.

i played hockey for the first time in ages yesterday. and i am sore. : ) i'm not officially on a team yet, but we're working on it. i am officially the boss statistician again, so that's good. and i will get paid for it, also. i scored one yesterday, and it was lots of fun playing with the new boards.

after the games i went to my brother's restaurant with hugo, hugo, and ray. ray and hugo sr. were drinking beer and getting a little silly. well, hugo was getting a LOT silly actually. he was saying something about there were little people in his bottle and they were talking to him... and drowning... it was very funny. i've never hung out with hockey buddies outside hockey before, it was really fun!

ah, hockey season. i love it. i love it.

fine

yesterday scuba asked me how i was doing.

i said, "well scuba, if i was a swearing woman, i could tell you exactly how i'm doing, but since i'm not, you'll just have to leave it up to your imagination." i told scuba that because he's a good friend, and partly because he caught me at a time that i was ready to vent a little bit. you know what i say to everyone else? "i'm fine, how are you?"

i don't want to tell my casual aquantances how i'm doing because, well, that would be weird. i don't want to tell my close friends how i'm doing either, because i already feel like i complain all the time. poor friends, always listening to my sob stories. so it's the "in-betweens", like scuba, that really know how it's going. or at least, they know it's not good.

no one gets the full story though.

labor day weekend

my long-weekend plans were looking pretty bleak until about four o-clock on friday afternoon. i was prepared to spend a weekend in socorro, with nothing to do but homework. all alone. no roommates, no friends, not even any enemies.

then my sister called and told me she'd come pick me up on her way to the gila wilderness where she and ellen and andy would be quazi-camping this weekend. this was interesting on many levels, two in particular. it was also fun having no phone or computer. : )

first, i was in the "rebel" group for once. take three girls and a little boy who are teased for being goody-goodies in the real world, and plop them in the middle of super-conservative mountian people, and you'd be surprized at the results. tracy and ellen put pink and red streaks in their hair before going to camp. andy brought his skateboard, and as far as i can tell, was the only boy there with hair longer than his collar, who didn't have it parted on the side and neatly combed. i packed my beatles t-shirt and another with a skull and crossbones on it.

no one talked to us. well, except for curtis, who we already know pretty well, and looked like he was in the same boat, with his converse all-stars and guitar. it really was like we were being shunned. i was also carrying around my modern control systems textbook, so that didn't help with my popularity. i think it may have actually intimidated people.

second interesting aspect about this weekend: i was a guest star on "the tracy show." i don't know if it's senioritis or what, but her bossy, all-about-me attitude has really skyrocketed in the last few weeks. it's driving me crazy. this weekend, we were in the part of the state she considers "her turf", among people she considers "her gang", so you can imagine the results.

but at least she got me out of town, right? right. i owe her for that.

new group!

i walked into senior design today more than a little bit nervous.

the week before we signed up for our three top choices for our senior design projects. our professor was going to sort us into groups depending on what we want to work on, which is very different from the way things are usually done. usually, it's just a given that jon, josh and i are working together, and maybe we'd be joined by some other poor schmuck who couldn't find his own group. not this time!

i signed up for an aviation project, a transmission project, and a heliostat project. i was really hoping for the aviation one, but i was more concerned about who i might be stuck with rather than what i'd be researching. my first hope, walking into class, was "please not in peirce's group..." and then, "please the aviation..."

hey, guess what? i got both my wishes. step back, i'm going to be designing the flaps on a privately-owned new aircraft. i'm stoked.

the people in my group are leroy and travis. i don't know leroy very well, and sometimes travis bugs me because he's so negative, but we had a little mini-meeting after class, and i think everything's going to be fine! of course, i had to check and make sure that josh and jon weren't stuck with anyone horrible either, and they are both okay. design class without my buddies... what will this be like? i will let you know how things work out...

don't give up! FIGHT!

i've been reading jeremiah in my bible, but last night i opened to nehemiah instead.

"After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, 'Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.'"
Nehemiah 4:14

i've been struggleing, trying to decide if i should fight for the things i love or just give up and except that everything changes. i knew before i read this that i was going to fight, but it was a welcome push in the right direction.

hopefully this encourages you as much as it encouraged me.
: )

homework, round one

so we've got this new class, machine element design, right? first day of class, tuesday, no teacher shows up. we all hang around for fifteen or so minutes until pablo, the wisest of us all, calls rosemary to see what was going on. she said there was no teacher assigned to the class, and we should all try again on thursday.

and thursday, a new teacher with an unpronoucable russian last name came in and talked at us for ten minutes longer than the class was scheduled for, which was rough, because we only had 45 minutes to eat anyway before all of us had to be in mechatronics. he didn't write any notes on the board and about half the class (including josh) fell asleep. at the last second, he threw us five or so homework problems.

i went to josh's house to study today. neither of us had looked at any of the homework. after we finished as much as we could on a somewhat nasty set of dynamic systems & controls, we decided to takle the unknown, the machine element design! i had no idea what to expect.

okay, first problem: convert the following quantities into SI units.

i laughed so hard i cried. what is "dr. b" thinking? unit conversion is easy for freshmen, and here we are, mechanical engineering seniors and we're converting units? is he kidding? all the other problems were just as easy. i haven't had homework that pointless since the very beggining of ES 110.

i don't know if i should count my blessings or be insulted or what. we sure got a good laugh out of it, though. : )

at least you have your health

when i was a freshman i got really sick and lost my voice for about a week. i couldn't talk at all, and i got around it by writing "i lost my voice, i can't talk!" on the back of my hand and showing it to people. it was funny to see people's reactions. it was also interesting because when i couldn't talk, people seemed to forget that i could hear, and they'd say things in front of me that they wouldn't usually say. it was also nice that my Matlab TA felt so bad for me that he helped me write my entire program and i got out of lab really early. : )

as inconveinient as it was not being able to verbally communicate, as annoying as it was having everyone around me try and guess what i was thinking, it was also kind of nice. the pressure of interacting was totally off of my shoulders. it was up to everybody else to keep the conversation running. when things got boring, it was not my fault in the least. i never felt guilty about sitting back and watching everyone else talk.

sometimes i wish i could go back to that. it would be nice to not be obligated to talk to everyone. of course, i couldn't turn it off and on; talk to my buddy and then write "sorry, too sick to talk" on my hand when someone i don't know very well comes along. and i'm not sure i'm ready to take on the coughing, sleepless nights, and general pain and misery that came with being so sick.

i guess that leaves me to sharpening my chit-chat sword and learning some one-liners. yay.

birthday song

today is kc's birthday, and it's also vanessa's birthday, my very first roommate, the one who first called me hollypolly, a nickname that somehow got all the way to las cruces, to my hockey buddies, and now they have one more thing they love to tease me about. :)

anyway, i stayed up late last night after kc went to bed and made her a cheesecake with the ingredients that carmen bought yesterday. carmen said she was too tired to make it, and boy she wasn't kidding, because she kept walking in and running into stuff and giggling. poor steve got his wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, so he was a little drugged up. he was wandering around like a zombie, going "uuuhhhhn". between the two of them, i had a lot of laughs, until i finally sent them to bed.

i made cards for kc and vanessa, and carmen and i are getting ness like fiddy bucks at jcpenny or something.

all this brithday atomoshere gets me to thinking about my own big day in november. it's going to suck like an superhoover. carmen asks me, "what day is you birthday this year?" THURSDAY. you know what that means... it's turkey, cranberries, and stuffing for me. instead of cake i'll have a pumpkin pie. i HATE when my birthday falls on thanksgiving.

but that's nothing compared to what i won't be doing. as of now i've pretty much given up all hope of making it to the paul mccartney concert on the 23rd. it's just not going to happen, it's too expensive. i'm such a loser. how can i not go? errrr... and of course on top of it all, i won't be seeing any of my friends because it's an academic holiday.

you have no idea how much i'm looking forward to our annual thanksgiving morning-long pickup hockey game.

faces of frustration

man, this day keeps getting worse and worse. i thought to myself, what's the worst thing that could happen tonight? and it happened.

still not ready to tell all, i've found some pictures that represent my life as of this moment. now, for your veiwing pleasure, i present the totally plagarized "faces of frustration."







i had found another picture that totally encapsulated everything i'm going through, but it was somewhat inappropriate, so i left it by itself. by the way, your comments would be greatly appriciated.

first day blues

well, today was the first day of school. nothing terribly eventful, except one of my teachers didn't show up. nothing stressful. nothing traumatic.

and yet, my mind is in constant turmoil. i have about a jillion thoughts running through my head, and wouldn't you know it, most of them are terribly personal, enough that posting them for the anonymous world to read causes me major hesitation. which leads me to the question i was pondering last night... exactly how much do i want to write in my little web diary?

i guess it wouldn't do, just telling you that i have soap opera-ish drama at home in las cruces, at college in socorro, and even in my little house with three other grown people. you want to hear what the drama is, not just that it's around, am i right? what if i made you a list? love, hate, jealousy, accusations, gossip, loyalty, fear, disbelief, insecurity, loneliness... no, not all me. but all around me.

didn't cut it, did it? it leaves the reader unsatisfied.

sorry i'm being so vague. i didn't bring myself to talk about it this time. i'm not trying to be mysterious, i'm just trying to figure out what's in my head.

home on the green

another post, and once again i'm wishing that my camera was in my hand instead of some black market yard sale. dirty theives.

i drove back to socorro this morning and i was astounded how green the desert was. the lakes and rivers are full, really full, and the horizon in all directions was, well... green. no kidding. it freaked me out. we've been getting so much rain lately that everything is transforming and we could get away with a state-wide golf course.

if good ol marcella was still with me, i would have been glad to post a couple pics. as it is, though, you'll just have to take my word for it.

dirty theives.

another nerdy perspective on a social situation

last night my brother nick and i went to a college youth group type thing. we had a mini-sermon, and then we broke up into little groups to discuss and pray for each other, and then had cookies and coffee. it was at a local church that we've been around for years, so we know a lot of people that go there. when he asked me to come, i thought, hey, maybe i'll see my dear old high school friend betsy.

nope.

betsy wasn't there, but there was no shortage of familliar high school faces around the circle. the guy leading worship was none other than the snobby musician guy i had class with for about ten years. he is good-looking and knows it, and i don't think he's said more than twelve words to me his whole life, just because he didn't have to.

another guy, this one nice, that i had a crush on for half of high school. another guy, a snob this time, who used to be my friend before he became cool. a girl who was my friend in high school that i haven't seen or spoken to in years. one of my former high school teachers. a girl i knew from theater. i recognized almost every face. why did i come here, i thought.

i hated high school. i went to a private school and some of my classmates were with me since second grade. that's nice if you're friends with all of them, sucky if you're that one kid that everyone teased. yup, that was me. i never got to grow out of it. when i went away to college, where no one knew me, i actually got to be myself and have fun and make real friends, because there was no one standing in the backround saying, "remember elementary school when she was dumb?" so now, when i come back to the high school scene, that stupiduglyannoyingnerdygirl feeling comes back and turns my insides to rot. i hate it. they trated me like dirt for so long that now it's automatic. i always feel too tall, too weird, like my clothes don't fit and i have stuff on my face.

that part sucked. but when the cookies came out, and the coffee was poured and my good friend al walked in the door, things got better. i'd forgotten how much my friend sonja and i have in common, and how nerdy she is, too. that was a nice surprize. my brother's friends are funny and cool (in that geeky way that i appriciate so) and we had fun talking about old times. we ended up renting a movie and taking it back to my house, waking up my little sister and teasing her about being in school already.

that was fun... but i will think twice before following my brother out the door again.

Harry Potter and the Mysterious Villian

if you've finished the sixth book and want to discuss your theories and swap condolences... well, i'm afraid i'm the wrong person to talk to. i haven't been able to muster the time commitment to really get attached to Mr. Potter and his buddies.

however, my family is nothing if not totally into it. i have picked up several of their theories, but perhaps the best thought out and most probable is my unlce's theory about who the real villian will be at the end of the series. it almost makes me want to read all six of those big books. he's such a fan that he has an entire blog post about his predictions. if i'm interested in them, they are sure to be a hit with a real harry potter enthusiast. but be careful! there are spoilers!

enjoy! :)

EDIT: the link has been taken down.

roomies!

i've been spending the last few days moving into my new house. i should really say my new room, since my new house is really my old house, the one i lived in last summer with steve, scuba, corrie and christian. instead of sharing the master bedroom/bathroom with corrie, i have my very own room (first time in three years, and i am stoaked), and i'm sharing the hall bathroom with KC. that's right, KC from the house i just moved out of. other roommates in the house include steve (not scuba steve, but the same steve mentioned above, who was my roomie last summer), and his new wife carmelita, who i've never roomed with before, but after all she has been my R.A. for a few semesters and she's one of my very best friends. confused? i sure am. let me lay it out for you...

My Roommate Timeline

In Driscol Hall:
Vanessa (fall 02 - spring 03)
Theresita (fall 03)

In President's Hall
Kim (spring 04)

At the White House
Scuba, Steve, Christian, and Corrie (summer 04)

Back in President's
Jessica (fall 04)

At the Val Verde House
Nicki, Rauni, and KC (spring - summer 05)

... and Back at the White House
KC, Steve, Carmelita (fall 05, and hopefully longer)

there ya have it! now i know how this looks. you're thinking, "what on earth is wrong with this girl? why can't she keep a roommate for more than a semester?" surprizingly enough, only one of the above rooming situations ended because we just couldn't get along. vanessa moved back home, kim graduated, nicki got married... and i'm not counting christian. he and i had our differences, but we're still on speaking terms, and we didn't share a room anyway. :)

and speaking of sharing a room... did i mention how excited and releived i am to not be sharing a room? my pictures are all over the walls. my clothes fill the closet. the bottom bunk and the top bunk are mine. from now on, the only alarm waking me up in the morning will be mine, mine!

no more sneaking in after my roomie's asleep and trying to get ready for bed in the dark!

no more sitting on the couch late at night finishing homework because i needed to turn out the light!

no more "don't touch my penguin!"

no more turning the music down! in fact, i left it on all night! wow... i'm stoaked.

Road Trip Day Thirteen

day thirteen was nicki's wedding. we drove to magdalena, because the outdoor cerimony and reception were held at nicki's mom's cabin in the woods.

it was SO BEAUTIFUL! it was the prettiest wedding i have ever seen, including ones in movies. it was very fun and sweet and just so beautiful. stolen camera or not, i will get my hands on some pictures and show you what i mean.

after the wedding we drove back to socorro and crashed for several hours. then we finally drove the last 150 miles of our journey, back to las cruces.

home at last. :)

Road Trip Day Twelve

where are the pictures, you may ask? well, i'll tell you.

the first thing we heard when we woke up was a knock and the door and the word "smashed" from an unidentified man. then we heard my grandma say "oh no" and close the door behind her.

the first thing i thought was, "the van got run into. it's okay, my computer's in the house."

next i thought, "the van got broken into. it's okay, my computer's in the house. but tracy's guitar is in the van... uh oh."

i desperatly tried to fall asleep again. next to me on the convertable bed, tracy was trying to do the same thing. but she finally sat up and said, "did he say the window was smashed?"

yup, the driver's side window was smashed. but the guitar, skateboard, my grandad's conputer, the train paintings, and most importantly (to me, at least) my cd collection were all still in the car. that's the good news. the bad news was my sister's wallet and my camera were stolen. both objects were left in the car accedentally, in our exhausted rush away from the car after 900 miles of driving.

my sis ended up loosing about $500 dollars. i feel really bad for her. she had everything in that wallet. as for me, i would much rather loose my camera than my cds.

anyway, the rest of day eleven was spent fixing the window, calling the whole family, telling my gradparents about our trip, and finally, finally heading to socorro. when we got there, carmen put a margarita in my hand that was really gross, but very welcome.

Road Trip Day Eleven

yes, indeed, we drove over 900 miles, from little rock to alubuquerque, all in one day.

man, that day sucked.

we were both really sick of the car, not really too sick of each other yet, but stiff and bored and all talked out. we couldn't stop for lunch because we had a ling way to go. we'd seen most of the scenery already. plus we'd listened to all our cds.

towards the end, my sister insisted on stopping at a bunch of road side thrift stores. that bugged me. we were close to being done! she's crazy.

we finally got to albuquerque, literally fell into my grandparents house, ate some pizza, and fell asleep.

the oklahoma city skyline.

hey, these windmills look familiar...

texas... finally!

we got an actual picture of the amarillo cars on the return trip.

and tracy bought a cowgirl hat.

Road Trip Day Ten

on day ten, we overslept. by about two hours.

since we overslept, and tracy had been bugging me about it the whole trip, we decided we might as well go to the waffle house for breakfast. tracy kept telling me how the food was going to change my life and stuff... i figured i should try it, just in case it did.

the food was okay, definitely not life-changing, but what was noteworthy was our exteremly lazy waitress who was no pro at manners either. she actually sat down at the table to wipe it down. wow. but before i get comments from all the over-worked, under-paid waitresses out there, don't worry, i left a good tip. don't forget that i used to work in a restaurant myself.

that day we drove from ashville, through tennesse (which was BIG fun), to little rock, arkansas. i felt like we could have gone further than that, but it didn't look like there was much on the other side of little rock short of oklahoma city, which was a little too ambitious.

and it was a good thing i got lots of sleep that morning, because GOD knows i sure didn't get much that night. i spent three hours talking on the phone, and a few hours mustering up my courage before that. but that's another story for another post, as the end of that saga is yet to be seen. pray for me.

i don't know what happened with this pic. tracy was posing in front of some pretty flowers in the driveway of the holiday inn in ashville, probably about ten in the morning.

erer sleeping in the car. HA!

downtown nashville! this one is i think the best skyline picture of the whole trip. i was really excited after i took this picture. tracy made fun of me, but i was happy.

another of nashville.

i've never been to mississippi before, so we took a little detour for a few minutes. another state to cross off the list! i was a little bummed about the picture quality. i gave my sister a warning to do better next time.

the memphis skyline is one of the coolest i think i have ever seen. i was driving, and my sister was in charge of taking pictures. as of this moment, she was officially fired as back-up photographer. this shot of the skyline is okaaaay... but i had to clean it up quite a bit. anyway, it was incredible, driving past memphis, over the mississippi at sunset.

sun setting over arkansas.

Road Trip Day Nine

on day nine, we left with a van load full of my grandfather's stuff, headed back to good ol new mexico. we were exhausted, so we slept in until ten or so before loading up and leaving. we drove until ashville, north carolina, a state which i have never been to before, to my knowledge. it was very pretty. :)

we left virginia beach around two in the afternoon. this is my virgina grandmomma, me, my sis, and my little bro.

here's a river somewhere on the road between virginia beach and ashville. after nearly two weeks on the road, the details become so unclear...

everybody say, "greensburo hojo!"

sun setting over north carolina...

Road Trip Day Eight

actually.... day eight wasn't much of a road trip. all we did was drive back and forth from my grandmomma's house to my granddad's house, which is like a five minute trip. but here are the pics anyway.

my brother is the cutest kid ever.

on monday we were helping my granddad move... from virginia beach all the way to las cruces. that's over 2000 miles. but anyway, a lot of the time we were hanging out outside his apartment complex. of course, andy made hanging out look gooooood...

my granddad lives next to a naval base, so these really loud, cool jets were taking off all day. it was fun!

here is me and andy the cool.

amy and justin took tracy, andy and i to the boardwalk, also known as the "tourist beach", so we could at least see the ocean before we left. unfortunately, it was too dark to take a picture of the waves, but it was fun to see.

see what i mean about photogenic?

here's andy, taking advantage of a tourist beach photo op.

last pic of the day, me and my little sis.

Road Trip Day Seven

sorry for the delay... i had some trouble finding an internet connection. and then i had trouble finding the time, THE TIME!

i will now attempt to catch you up on the road trip situation.

on sunday we drove from richmond to virginia beach and had a fun family-reunion-type pizza party! my aunt carolyn, uncle paul, cousin amy, her boyfriend justin, my mom, brother, and grandmother were already in town. oddly enough, we didn't take any big group pictures of all the family together. but here are the shots for the day. i really missed my other brother!

these are my cousins, colette and lela! they both had to help me spell their names. tracy french-braided their hair, so i took a picture of them all dressed up. they are so fun!

... then colette took a picture of us.

3:00 p.m., just before the tunnel to virginia beach.

what a handsome, cute, hunky, photogenic little brother i have...

andy thought me how to skateboard! this is andy and amy, and that's justin in the distance.

andy and his new favorite person, justin.

my cousin amy playing with my little cousin lela. she was a sad because she broke something and thought she was in trouble, so amy was cheering her up.